Nikki's Dorm

Nikitio entered his dorm room finally, and fell on his bed face-up. He lay there for a moment just staring at the ceiling. Was this truly his life now? Curse, or blessed, to a life of servitude for others, and never for himself? Would he always have to be stuck in an endless void of push and pull? Like Hakuda. The life of a Shinigami was engraved in a constant struggle for power. But why was the question that haunted his mind. Nikitio hated to do anything without knowing why. These rules, limitations, were so strict, and why? True a lot of them were for protection, but there were several that Nikki just didn’t understand. He guessed it wasn’t his place to know though, and so he wouldn’t know. One day he would find out, and then things would be right, at least for him. He rolled onto his good side and was left facing his dorm. There was a small desk in the corner next to the window. On the floor was a circular rug he put in there. Candles were also on his desk, he didn’t like fluorescent lighting, and then of course the door. His back was to the wall now, and he debated seeing a nurse or something. He sighed and decided against it. Such a thing was weakness, and he would not be weak. He would not go about here being looked down upon.

He didn’t care what others thought of him. He didn’t care if he was the butt of every joke. He didn’t care if he was ignored or whispered about. He didn’t care if he got glares or if pranks were played on him. But he would give them no reason to think him weak or beneath them. Nikitio had two personal rules. One: Never kill without a reason. Two: You can always find a reason. Then again he had a few more about never starting a fight. It was something he learned in the Rukongai. Never start a fight, always end it. In clearer words it means never throw the first punch. Always let someone else hit you first, and hope that they enjoyed it. Cause if you know what you’re doing, it would be their last hit on you. Everyone looked down upon the lesser fortunate beating upon others that have less or among themselves. Nikitio quickly discovered you become something like a hero if you can defend yourself properly and not start a fight.

He smiled to himself as he remembered the days back home, running through the streets with his friends to avoid getting caught. Stealing was what you had to do. You had to take what you needed to live. You had to do whatever was needed. If you failed, you’d never get anywhere and you’d probably die. You never took more than you needed though as you would be looked down upon. It was almost as bad as killing. Nikitio missed the Rukongai. He made a personal promise to himself to always visit his old home when he could. He wasn’t sure of how his old friends felt though. He left before he could tell them, and so he was unsure of their thoughts. Despite being such close friends for so long, they had never spoken about Shinigami. They had only seen them once or twice, and his friends never brought them up. He hoped they wouldn’t be mad. He would have to work extra hard to prove that he was still the same. He wasn’t going to be prideful like the Shinigami were infamous for. He didn’t like such pride. He always heard stories about how pride had gotten someone killed. He didn’t want to die, and he sure as hell didn’t want to die because of pride.

He sat up in his bed and shook his mind clear of all these thoughts. He began to walk around in circles. Sleep wouldn’t come to him with his mind racing like this. He was thinking all about Shinigami, and tales of their deaths. He thought about their pride, and he debated about what his Zanpakuto would be like. Who would he be? What would he look like? Would he get a Zanpakuto? Would Claudia kill him before that? If he died could Derrick raise him from the dead? Would he be a zombie? Can you have zombie Shinigami? What would a Zombie Shinigami look like? Do they have flesh that rots? Would they smell? Some would say that he is scatter brained. Some would call him crazy for even thinking about such thoughts. He said that it was the trait of a true explorer. Anyone can go to lands far away, but not just anyone can consider the unknown. Not just anyone could sit and think about their thoughts. Oh well, cest la vie.

He finally felt sleep creeping upon him like darkness over the sky. He decided he would lay down before he passed out on the floor. Crawling into bed he laid on his back and awaited the darkness to overtake him. With a deep and heavy sigh he closed his eyes. His mind’s thoughts faded to black. There was a soft voice, and fear creped over him. He couldn’t see anything, and he felt awake, but he knew he was asleep. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe an ounce. Fear choked him. He strangled his voice, and clogged his pores. It blinded him, broke him, touched him, and violated him. The only thing he could do was listen. Listen to the one voice that existed here, wherever here was. ”Answer…”


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91

Nikitio struggled to get back to his dorm. It was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. His body and mind didn’t want to forget about Ryan. The beating he got, and how strong he was. He was terrified of facing him again. He didn’t want to know what he could do without the supervision of Yuki. If she wasn’t there, Nikitio might be dead right now. Drowning in a pool of his own blood. Maybe that is what he deserved though. If he needed to be saved then maybe he deserved to die. If he needed to be rescued then he needed to die. Ryan had his chance though, but Yuki protected him. Why was he still here?

Nikitio fell to the floor at one point in his walk to his dorm. He could move. His body had given up on him. Emotions ate at his mind. So much had happened that changed everything. Nothing was going to ever be the same again, nothing at all. He didn’t even remember most of his fight with Ryan. He remembered giving into something older than time itself. Something bestial had taken over. He used shunpo, but he didn’t know how to do it. What made him able to do it? He had given into his inner beast and performed the move that he had seen time and time again. Was this an innate ability that all Shinigami possessed? Of course it was. He needed to learn how to do it without giving into his bestial instincts.

As he thought about what happened his hands began to shake. He looked at them as they visibly shook. They shook hard, and uncontrollably. The shaking spread to his whole body as he lost focus. He killed someone. The thought struck him like a truck. He was a murderer now. He always would be. He killed a boy, not just a boy but a fellow student. He was now and forever going to be a murderer. Was killing a Hollow any different? Would he be subject to these feelings for killing them? He couldn’t be, could he? They were monsters after all. They had to be stopped. But did that mean that they had to be ruthlessly hunted?

Would one be worshiped for saving his life if it meant killing another Shinigami? Would one be worshiped for saving his life while killing a thousand Hollow? What if you had to kill a shinigami to protect the Soul Society? Are you still a murderer? ”Where is the line drawn…where do we stop being murderers and start being heroes? Is it so wrong to protect yourself?” He let out a few sobs as tears dripped down his face. He was so scared, so helpless, so childish. He didn’t know what to do. Nothing would ever be the same. He killed now, and it wasn’t an accident. He killed on purpose. So what if he was blinded. He still killed him. His blood was on his hands.

He drew his knees up to his chest and rocked back and forth slowly. He sobbed and cried and sobbed some more. Killer, murderer, life stealer, these words floated in his head. He called himself these things over and over again. He pounded it into his head. He beat himself up mentally. Nothing was going to be right ever again. No. No no no no no, he couldn’t submit like this. He looked at his shaking hands and pushed his nails into his palms. He couldn’t be like this. No. He wanted to be something. He wanted to be someone. He knew where he was going in life, and shit happened. Bad shit sometimes, but shit nonetheless. Killing was part of life. It kept the cycle going. Pride will be one’s downfall. He had it coming to him. His death was not Nikitio’s fault.

Nikki stood up slowly and dried his tears. Shaking his head gently he dusted himself off. A voice from behind him chuckled before complimenting him. ”Good job kid. Maybe you’ll make something of yourself after all. Maybe you aren’t such a disappointment. Maybe.” He turned around, but nobody was there. He knew from the laughter that it was his crazy Zanpakuto teacher, Claudia. He knew that was the only compliment that was out and in the open that he would get from her. He had to smile to himself at that. It did make him feel good, and allowed him to make it to his dorm safely, and without further breakdowns.

Once at his dorm he was incredibly tired. Mentally, physically, and emotionally he didn’t think he could go on if you paid him. He had to push forward though. There was one more thing that he had left to do. He sat on his bed and reached under his pillow pulling out a ruby necklace. The ruby was originally one whole ruby, but the original necklace broke and the ruby shattered. So rather than toss it, it’s previous owner made a new necklace, a ring, and a bracelet. Nikitio had gained all of these, and often wore one if not all of them. The necklace was a dragon eating it’s tail. The eye was made of the ruby. The ring was the same way, but the this time the entire ring was the ruby, and the eye was made of obsidian. The bracelet was also a dragon, but this time the teeth showed and one tooth was a ruby. Ouroboros is what this was called. A serpent eating it’s tail was the symbol of Ouroboros. It signaled that a cycle starts a new as soon as it reaches it’s end. It reminded Nikitio that no matter how much he knew or could do, there was always another level.

He reached to his nightstand and opened a hidden compartment that he made and took out the other two pieces. Putting them all on he closed his eyes slowly and slowed his breathing. He let his muscles relax and cleared his mind of all thoughts, positive and negative. He tried to picture himself in a place he felt comfortable in. A misty gray area where nothing existed, and sound was reversed. The louder you screamed the softer it was. The softer you spoke the louder it was. He didn’t know why, but it made him happy. He felt calmer knowing that he was here, even if he truly wasn’t there, and he focused his energy on his ears. He wanted not to hear, but to listen. He didn’t want to just acknowledge the sounds, but to know what they were and where they came from.

The first sound he heard was his own heartbeat. It was slow, rhythmic, steady. The way it sounded reminded him of the waves at the beach. It was peaceful in it’s own right. He tried to listen beyond his own body. To feel that which was around him, and he thought he sensed something, but it was too faint and so he ignored it. The next thing he heard was the creaking of the floors as students retired to their dorm. But the creaking was from a few feet away from his closed door. He was pleased that he heard that because he never had before and he knew he wasn’t the only one to go to his room at this time. The last thing he heard before he fell asleep was the sound of wind coming in through his opened window. The window wasn’t truly open, as much as slightly cracked open. At least to him it was, but society might disagree.

With hearing this last thing he slipped into his sleep, and was carried away to a rather peaceful dream. He dreamed of being home. He saw himself alive and well. He was in the park as a babe, being held by his mother. His mother had beautiful cascading brown hair. His father was pushing his brother on the swing. Nikitio started crying cause he was stung by a bee and his mother kissed the sting. ”Don’t worry. For every wound you suffer. You get that much stronger.” She told him as she rocked him back and forth. Soon he was drifting to sleep, and the image faded. This loving and warm image was slowly replaced by something else.

First the warmth left. He was left with nothing but a chill. The cold wasn’t something physical. No amount of blankets, bodies, or heaters would solve this. No, his soul had frozen. The love was gone as well, but in it’s place was apathy. He couldn’t breathe. It was so hard. He had to force himself to even open his mouth. Fear gripped him by the throat. It forced him down to his knees. The swirling gray mist around him was supposed to be his happy place. Now it was a nightmare. ”Rise.” He couldn’t stand though. ”Get up or you will die. The choice is yours. I will not deal with such weakness. Not in my own realm. Die if I must, but I will not be subject to this. Now rise.” The voice was sharp and demanding. There was no emotion in it, just pure fact. Whoever it wa encouraged him to stand, but clearly couldn’t care less if he didn’t.

What if this was his Zanpakuto spirit though? What if he was supposed to claim it now? Then Nikitio had to get up. He couldn’t give up then. No, he had to stand. He had to fight this fear. He had to ignore his worries about this. He tried to force his body to rise. He wanted to live. He wanted his Zanpakuto. He died because he was ignorant of dangers. He died because he failed to protect those he cared about. He died because he was weak. Never again would he allow that. Never again would he fail to protect someone. Never again would he be weak! He had to be strong. He had to be willing. He had to be able. Nothing was going to stop him from doing what he knew was right. Even if it wasn’t what everyone else thought was right. He could, and would do it for the sake of all who have helped him to achieve his power. For the sake of all who would help him become stronger, he would not stop.

He felt the chills slowly fade. It seemed like a layer of gray vanished. He could do this. He could overcome this fear. He could grasp his Zanpakuto and wield it proudly. He thought of his dream. His mind was filled with thoughts of his mother. How she smelled so nice, and her voice was so calm and soothing. He thought of the way she held him so protectively. He thought of his father who worked so hard all his life only to lose both of his sons in one swoop. He thought of his brother who he admired like many children admired Superman. He thought of that innocent spirit. The boy he saw before he died. The one he couldn’t save. The spirit he couldn’t protect because of his ignorance. The spirit he would avenge by slaying all the Hollow he could.

Again, another layer of gray vanished and Nikitio was able to stand a little bit. His throat cleared up and he took a large gulp of air. Panting, Nikitio tried to force himself to concentrate. What else did he have to go on? What else was his drive? What did he want to achieve? What did he want to prevent? No, that was the wrong question. What didn’t he have to go on? What wasn’t his drive? What didn’t he want to achieve? What didn’t he want to prevent? That was correct. What couldn’t he do if he left all the doors open. If all the doors were open, then all options were before him. Never to be bound by the chains of ignorance. He refused to accept such blind fate. He would study whatever he could until another door opened for him. He would find all the keys he could. Nothing would stop him. Nothing mortal nor ethereal.

His body shook as the pressure increased. His body fought it thought and he slowly rose up. His knees were still bent, and they were feeling the stress. He couldn’t give in now. Another layer of gray faded and he saw what seemed to be a night time sky and the silhouette of something. He wasn’t sure if it was human or something else. It seemed so far away. Nikitio grunted as he tried to force his way through whatever this was. The fear was gone, the coldness was gone, and the gray was fading. All that remained was apathy. Despite all he had figured out and realized he still felt empty. He felt void of all emotions. Nothing was there. He wasn’t happy that he was finding this will power. He wasn’t sad that it wasn’t over. He wasn’t angry about not having emotion. He wasn’t feeling a thing. He tried to feel. He wanted to feel. He couldn’t do it though. Nothing was there. Nothing at all.

He searched himself as he tried to stand. He thought of his family and how happy he was back then. He tried to grasp that happiness but it was out of reach. He tried to remember the feeling of love, but it wasn’t there. He knew he should be feared, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t feel fear. Even in a moment like this. The layer of gray began to return, and he was beginning to sink again. ”N-no. I cannot lose yet. I cannot give up! I have to do this. I have to…” He mumbled to himself. He stopped fighting it though. The dangers of pride would kill him. Yuki had warned him about this. He had seen it. He couldn’t become such a person. He couldn’t afford to lose to pride. He wouldn’t lose to pride.

He didn’t give up though. Rather he embraced this apathy. He accepted it. Hardening his heart, and clearing his head he slowly stood up. Sometimes you had to be void of all emotion. You had to forget happiness, and risk becoming the monster. He tried to stand and found it was easy. Slowly rising to his feet, the last layer left. He realized he was laying down in a field of midnight blue roses. The air was a cool summer breeze. Where he once saw an outline there was none. Instead there was an abnormally large off white moon. Littering the night sky was an impossible amount of stars. He sat up slowly and saw the humanoid figure he saw before. It was a man, but he seemed so different. As if he knew something that he shouldn’t know. As if he was incredibly dangerous. As if he was something to be feared. Looking into those bright yellow irises, Nikitio knew it was all of the above.

The man had long black hair touching his angles. His bangs were white and went down to his chin. He was muscular but lean, a lot like Nikitio. He wore an open black long sleeved button-up shirt. There was a scar on that muscled chest of his in the form of an X. On the back of each of his hands was a black X as well. His pants looked like slacks, but Nikitio knew they were jeans because of the way they folded over his black boots. His yellow eyes were uncanny. They seemed to pierce his flesh and see his soul. It was like he knew all of Nikitio’s blessings and curses. Like he could see his positives and negatives, and like he could see all of the good things he did and the bad. This man was truly scary. Around his ankles was a three foot chain. Another set of chains were on his wrists, and another one around his neck. It was like he had broken out of a prison or something.

”Congratulations, Nikitio Uril. You have bested my test. You may or may not know it, but you have found out a lot about yourself. These things will become important in your future. If you live that long that is. For now though, rejoice that you did not die. I know what you are thinking now though. Who is this guy? What is he talking about? Well, I doubt you are ready to truly listen to me. You can barely hear me I am guessing” –it was true, Nikitio could barely hear this guy—“and so it would be pointless to explain everything. Raise your hand and claim my power. CLAM MY POWER FOR YOUR OWN NIKTIO!” He shouted the last part when Nikitio did nothing. Quickly Nikitio rose his hand and the image of the man faded into black dust. Nikitio was expelled through the flowered field, through the gray, and he shot up in bed. His sheets were soaked with sweat, and when he looked down he was surprised at what he saw. That certainly wasn’t there when he went to bed.


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322

Nikitio’s head was buzzing with thoughts about last night. He looked down at the glove on his bed. It certainly wasn’t there before. What was with his body. It hurt terribly bad and his head was pounding. He felt like he had a hangover without even having taken a sip! He could tell by how dark it still was that he was up earlier than he should have been. The sun was just barely starting to peek out over the horizon casting a faint orange glow on the land. He got out of bed and rubbed his eyes. He might as well get a head start on his Zanjutsu class. It wasn’t like putting it off was going to delay it anymore. He would still have to go. He would still have to learn. He would still have to face Claudia. Unless she happened to vanish too like his Hoho teacher, and he wasn’t sure if he would be too heartbroken over that. Slipping out of his bed, he did a few stretches he picked up from living in the Rukongai.

Even in the Rukongai, there were people with incredible martial arts prowess. They showed Nikki some stretches he could do to loosen himself up, and be more flexible. They told him that one of the worst things that you could do to your body was to be inflexible. Even if you weren’t going to be a fighter, flexibility was a skill everyone should be at least proficient in. You don’t have to touch your toes, they said, you just have to be able to at least come close. Nikito has taken this very seriously as his own persona style of fighting required that he be flexible. The stretch was known as the Thousand Day Stretch, and it was said that if you did this stretch once a day for a thousand days, you could bend yourself in half from any position.

It started with the basic figure four stretch. He extended his right leg as he sat on the ground, bending the other so that the foot touched his inner thigh. He reached forward and effortlessly touched his foot, but he couldn’t get a grip on his toes yet. He then switched legs, extending his left and bending his right. He didn’t know why, but on his left leg he could easily grab his toes. When that was done he stood up and put his feet just a little beyond shoulders length apart. He bent forward touching his palms to the ground and held that position for about a minuet. When he rose he rotated his arms in circles. That wasn’t part of the stretch but he enjoyed this.

He first moved his arms in large circles for 20 rotations. Then he did small circles in reverse. The muscles in his shoulders were waking up finally. The muscles through out his entire arm were also waking, but at a slower rate. He then stopped after another 20 rotations, and went reverse in big circles. After another twenty, he did twenty more going forward in small circles. When that was done, he put his feet together and his arms were held out at his side. He dipped down, touched his toes, and folded his arms across his chest. He then came up, arms still wrapped around himself, bent back down, unfolded his arms, and came back up with his arms at his side like before. He did this twenty times before stopping and rolling his neck around a for a minuet.

He laid down on the floor and crossed his right leg over his left. He kept his lower body still as he moved his upper body to the right. He helf this position for a minuet, and then did it on the opposite side. Next Nikki lifted his lower body, and kept his right leg extended in the air and lowered his left until his knee was touching his chest. After a while of that he did the other leg. Glancing out of his window he figured he could cut this short. He would get a workout and whatnot in class. He headed for the shower and got washed up, but while he was in there a thought came to him and he looked around. Whenever he got ideas he had to speak them aloud to truly hear them. Everything sounded good in your head. It wasn’t until you said it that you thought it was a good idea.

He let the hot water pour onto him and down his body as he confirmed that nobody was around. ”I am in the Shinigami Academy. I am training to be a Shinigami. But what am I besides that? Have I no purpose in life besides to cleanse spirits and kill Hollow. I suppose it’s not really killing as much as purifying, Quincy kill. But what is my purpose as a Shinigami? Why do I exist? Will I ever have a life outside of killing Hollow? Do I even want a life outside of that? What am I without such a purpose? What do I become? What am I?” He mumbled the last part under his breath and shook his head. Everything felt so wrong, but it felt so right as well. He was missing a large piece of himself, but it also was so obviously there.

He finished up his shower and got dressed in his room. Storing his ruby items away, and smiled out the window. It was about time for his Zanjutsu class. Shame, it seemed like only minuets ago that he was just waking up. Oh well, cest la vie.


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74

Nikki was walking down the hall from his dorm to his class when a thought occurred to him. Why should he go now? He had a while before it truly started. Maybe about a little less than an hour, give or take a minuet or so. He had heard rumors about time moving slower in the Zanpakuto World, than in the human world. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could enter his Zanpakuto’s world, and have a chat with him. Maybe even find out his name! How cool would that be? To find out his name as an academy student would be amazing. Then he could be stronger than that Ryan kid. He turned on his heels and headed to his dorm when a thought occurred to him. He didn’t know how to enter the world.

He once heard some Shinigami talking about how meditation was important and such. Maybe that was the key? He had to meditate on his Zanpakuto. He didn’t really have a Zanpakuto though. It was just a glove. What the hell was he supposed to do with a glove. The black fingerless glove was on his right hand. It looked like leather but was soft as silk. On the back of it the glove had the Fleur de Lis in gray. It was an elegant symbol and one that Nikki enjoyed very much. He walked back to his dorm and hoped that this would work. If it didn’t work he was out of ideas on what to do for now. Maybe he would ask Claudia if she could help him out.

He took the glove off once he was in his room and set it on his lap as he sat on his bed. He stared at it for seemingly hours. Nothing happened though. He realized he didn’t know what to do. He had never meditated before, and nobody who did showed him how to. He didn’t even know what it was to be honest. What was he supposed to do? He had seen movies where old people with long white beards sat with crossed legs and closed eyes. He wondered if he should do that. Maybe that was what meditating was. It could hurt to try it. He needed to figure this out before he left for his class. There was so much he wanted to ask his spirit.

He just looked at his gloved and sighed. Setting it aside and folding his legs, he closed his eyes and placed his hands on his knees. He sat still, and in complete silence as he did what he believed was meditation. Nothing happened though. He just ended up sitting there, and doing nothing but looking foolish. He sighed and fell back on his bed. He picked up the glove and looked at it. Rolling his eyes, and scowled at it. ”Stupid glove…you’re not even a sword. What use are you to me, if I can’t cut people with you…” As soon as he said that he felt a tug. But it was not a physical tug, it was something spiritual. He felt it again, but he fought it. The third time was the draw though.

On the third pull he blacked out, and was forced through the gray world once more. When he could see again he was in that field of flowers. Something was different this time though. Here and there were soft blue lights going on and coming off. Like blue fireflies, but he couldn’t see them well enough to be sure. He was a bit confused because he didn’t remember them. Maybe they were always here though. He wasn’t exactly looking for flashing blue lights the last time he was here.

There was no male though. Where was this guy? He was here last time. Wasn’t this his home? Wasn’t he supposed to be there? ”Hey! Where are you?” Nikitio shouted, but his voice came out soft. He covered his mouth. What the hell was that? He knew he shouted, but his voice was nothing more than a whisper. It was faded, and choked. ”Hello?” He shouted again, and again it was soft. What wa going on here? Why was his voice so soft? It shouldn’t be quiet, it should be loud. Especially in an area with nothing to hold it back. He had an idea then. What if this world, like his peaceful place, was reversed. If he was shouting and getting quiet sounds. Maybe he should be whispering

He took a breath when a hand covered his mouth. ”I wouldn’t recommend that. Not unless you want your ears to hurt for days on end.” The hand was removed and in front of him now stood the strange man. He wore the same clothing as before. A black button-up shirt, but this time it was buttoned up to the thrd button to the top. His pants were black and folded over his black boots at the end. He had his arms folded which hid the Xs on the hand of his hands, but the chains on his body were more than visible.

Nikitio glared at him and he just shrugged. ”Now what is this nonsense about not being able to cut with a glove. Child, please! You need to expand your mind a bit more. Calling me useless. HA! If anything you are the useless one. What the hell use are you? Think about it, chico. You have an entire WORLD of Shinigami. What are you but a number? Of what importance are you really? Even if you make captain, hell, even if you make Captain COMMANDER, you’re still a number. You are a face in the crowd who just happens to stand out a bit more than the rest. You seek answers where none are too be found. Only heartache, reality, and suffering are to be found. And they are connected. What does that mean? It means, if you find one, you’ll find them all. When you do, pray you are strong enough because right now, I am insanely disappointed in you and your abilities.”

Nikitio glared at him for that last part. All the man did was shrug and wave a hand in a dismissive manner. ”Bah! This is all pointless. You want my help, but I don’t want to give it to you. You don’t even know how to get here unless I pull you in. What is in it for me? Life? Ha! I couldn’t care less about living or dying. It’s all apart of the Great Design. You are another gear in the system. What am I supposed to be? The oil that keeps you running smoothly? Hell no, I refuse to be that. You are barely able to hold your own in a fight. You question everything but never gain any answers. You are pathetic. One who seeks all the questions, but never desires to know the answer is doomed to die. You, are doomed to die. You look for questions expecting to find solutions. You walk around blind, when you could easily see. All you have to do is try. All you have to do is answer the questions you already know. If you stopped for a moment to think about such things, then you would see that you know a lot of the answers.”

The male sighed and shook his head. He sat down in the flower field, and Nikitio followed. His eyes never left the man, and the man’s eyes never left Nikitio. His voice was even and calm, even if it had an acid touch to it at parts. ”What is it that you want? Why are you even here? You wanted to come here, and so here you are. All you have managed to do so far is to get me to tell you all of the things wrong with what you are doing. What do you want?” Nikitio took a slow breath. ”I want to know your name.” He answered as best as he could. His voice was shaky though, and he had a hard time fighting back tears. This man was brutally honest. Why was he paired up with him? All he was going to do was insult Nikitio at every chance he got. Nikki didn’t want to go through with that. He didn’t want to deal with it all the time. He would have stayed in the Rukongai if he wanted that.

The man laughed after hearing Nikki’s answer. Shaking his head he flashed a smile, and showed all of his white teeth. ”You aren’t even worthy of trying right now. No way in hell would I allow you use of my powers to that level right now, and no way in hell am I going to waste my time trying to get you to hear my name. I am not like some other Zanpakuto. Hoping that their owner is powerful and strong enough to hear their name so that they can achieve something. I am realistic. That isn’t to say there aren’t others like me, or that I am not an extremist. But the majority of zanpakuto spirits waste away shouting their name, only to have it fall on deaf ears, and never be heard. Even if you could hear my name, you are not worthy of it right now. Maybe though, just maybe, you will live long enough to be worthy of such a task.” The way he said that last part, and the way he smiled, let it be known that he had some hope for Nikki.

Nikki sighed and looked at the man. He was still fighting tears. It was hard to hear such things for a partner. One you were supposed to grow with, and become attached to and friends with. ”Well if you know so much. What do I want, then? Why am I here? What is it that I can hope to gain from being here? Or is this some sort of test? The man winked at Nikitio. ”You got it Kiddo. If I gave you all the answers I wouldn’t be helping you.” Nikitio glared at him and stood up furiously. ”And you are helping me now, how? All I have heard from you since I got here is how much of a disappointment I am. All I have heard is how weak I am, and unworthy! What the hell is it that you expect of me! What the hell do you want from me!”

The man stood up with Nikitio, but he wasn’t mad. If anything he looked pleased. ”You tell me. What do I want? What is it I want from you?” Nikitio had had it with this guy. He was nothing more than an annoyance to him at this point. Nikitio charged at him and swung his leg out in a kick. The man effortlessly stopped the attack and threw him away. Nikitio recovered, landed, and charged again. The man sighed and from nowhere two humanoid figured grabbed him by each arm. ”That right there. That is not okay. It’s what I want though. I want you to be open. Don’t hold back. Holding back is what gets you killed. Don’t be prideful though. Find that hazy gray area. Walk that line that so few choose to walk. Why am I being such a bitch to you right now? Because you are being a bitch to yourself, and I refuse to serve someone who will undermine their own work.” With a nod of his head the shadows faded, and Nikki fell to the floor.

He didn’t realize he was holding his own breath until he sank down. The entire time he was talking though, Nikki was focused on those yellow eyes. So sharp and cold, and they seemed to see into Nikitio’s inner most fears and desires. Even if his face was void of all smiles, his eyes never seemed to lose that amused glow to them. It was like his eyes had a personality of their own, and they enjoyed the fearful look in others. They enjoyed looking through someone’s life. They enjoyed the pain they caused, and they bathed in the terror. When Nikitio started to breathe again, the man sat down and faced him. ”I’ll ask you again. What do you want?” Nikitio looked at the man’s legs. He didn’t want to see the eyes again. He couldn’t stand them. ”You will look at my eyes, or you will not look at all. You will not speak at all. You will not grow at all.” His tone was flat and serious. He wasn’t joking around. He wanted Nikitio to experience true fear. Not the fear that you are aware of. This was the fear that you are not aware of. That fear is the fear inspired by those yellow irises.

Nikitio tried to look up. He slowly began to. It was difficult. He had to face those eyes. He wanted to grow stronger. Everything he desired was on the line here. If he didn’t look up he would never be able to, and then he’d never gain this man’s power. He’d never know his name. He looked up into those golden hues and nearly regretted it. Fear wrapped around his throat and clogged his pores. His sins were laid out before him, and he had to face them all. The thing that he saw most though made him want to run and cry. The thing that haunted this man’s eyes, and forced itself into his mind, was death. He feared not dying, but killing. He feared not seeing Death, but calling Death to the home of another. He wanted to be the one who stopped death not caused it. He didn’t want to ruin families with death. He didn’t want to help and build, not cause mayhem and discord.

”Accept it for what it is. Death is not an end. You are here are you not? You died, did you not? Death is never the end but the beginning. Even after this, you will live on in another form. You are a child of Death. Do not fear your father. Do not fear what will happen. Embrace it. Embrace your father, and bathe in the blood of your foes. If you do not then you will surely die. There is no other choice. To fear death is to fear yourself. To fear yourself is to sign your own death warrant. If you love death, embrace it, hold it, keep it, then you might live to see the sun rise. Otherwise, you are of no more importance than a child whom is afraid of his own reflection.”

His words held truth to them, but he didn’t want to admit it. Nikki remembered how he killed that boy. It was a kick. The kick that broke his ribs and pierced his lungs. He drowned within moments. There was nothing he could do. He forced him to meet his maker. He forced him into the dark abyss. This man before him was telling him to accept that. To move on as if it was nothing, and it seemed like he was saying he should do it again if the chance came. How could he be so sure of this? How could he be so okay with death? Was that was he was? Death? The personification of the thing that haunted Nikitio’s dreams, and took his life away. If so then what choice did he have to do but to accept this, but to move on. He had none. They say you always have a choice. They say that you always have a choice. Nikitio didn’t want to die, and he wouldn’t live life a coward. He had to accept death.

Before he could open his mouth the man pointed to his left, and Nikki’s right. Nikitio turned his head to look where he was pointing and he saw a boy about the age of a ten year old. He was dressed in nothing more than a potato sack, with dirt in his black hair. His eyes were spilling over with joy as he pointed a blood dipped finger at Nikitio. Nikki knew who this was, and why his hands were covered in blood. When Nikitio was in the Rukongai, his adopted sister was murdered. Nikitio was helpless to protect her. ”Is this some sick joke?” The man didn’t answer he merely sat there and looked bored. Nikitio knew what he had to do. He had to embrace death.

The memory of the guy stood there. Nikitio stood up and walked to him. He reeked of rotting flesh, and as he got closer he heard the screams of his sister. They were bone chilling, and blood curdling. Nikitio had to stop five feet away from him. He looked back at the man, but he didn’t seem to be of any help. Nikitio looked at the boy and he was falling apart. The smell of death increased as bits of flesh came off. Unknown green goo tried to hold the flesh on, but it still fell off. Nikitio took a step closer and one of his eyes fell out. His hand fell off, and the bones in his legs were showing. Nikitio took a deep breath and took the last few steps to hug the memory. His sister’s cries pierced his eyes, stabbed his mind, and shattered his soul.

Nikitio shot up in his bed and looked around frantically. He looked outside at the sun. Swearing under his breath he quickly ran off and out the door. He was going to be late to class. As he ran out the door he thought he heard a voice. ”Well done, Young Master.” the way he heard that last part made it seem like it was almost a compliment. At the same time it felt like it wasn’t really meant fully. Oh well, he would take what he could get, and right now he needed to get his ass to class.

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Nikitio struggled through the halls of the academy. He thought about himself when he entered this school and now. His mind drifted back from the past to the present. It seemed that he had changed so much. He had become something he wasn’t. Did all people go through such a change? He was so different from before. He would have to talk about this new discovery with his Spirit. He didn’t know his name still, but he would soon enough. For now he called him Jake. It would just be easy to remember. It wasn’t something he normally did. He didn’t even name his pets. His pets couldn’t talk to him though. He couldn’t have a conversation with his pets. So it only made sense that he had to name the Spirit until he learned his real name.

He leaned against the wall of the hallway and let out a few breaths. He needed a few seconds to recover. He was sure that he back was all fucked up by this point. He would have to spend some time repairing it. The one good thing about his life as a human was that he picked up so sewing skills. He could make his own clothes if he felt like it. Here though, he wasn’t allowed yet. When he made captain he would have his own personal stash of fabrics and needles to make his own stuff. He wasn’t that bad either. During his time in the Rukongai he met a few people who helped him increase his skills. When he had first died he had a basic understanding of sewing. It wasn’t anything great, but it was enough to fix minor things.

Nikitio smiled as he thought about his time in the Rukongai. Things were so simple back then. Nothing was complicated. It was live or be killed. That was it. You didn’t have to worry about this Shikai and Bankai bullshit. There were no graduating woes or anything like that. He was just another spirit there though. He supposed he was here too. As he had been told, there were plenty of Shinigami around here. Who was he? He was just another reaper. He was just another face in the crowd. If he made captain, nothing would change. He would just be the most recent in the long line of captains.

He would make a name for himself here though. He wouldn’t be just another Shinigami. Or would he be? So he made a name for himself, big deal. Then he becomes another Shinigami who did something worthwhile. Other Shinigami have done the same. Some even gained titles. Others became feared. He would be a face in the crowd of heroes. Of what importance was it to him? Would he ever truly be somebody? Maybe he was looking for the wrong thing. He was fighting for the wrong reasons. He would have to narrow his vision for now. He was in school. He had to take one step at a time. Like a chess game, and oh how he enjoyed chess.

Nikitio pushed off the wall and began his hard journey back to his dorm again. It took him several minuets, and a few twists and turns before he finally made it. A few students looked at him like he was crazy. Maybe because he was limping and his shirt was torn on the back. He ignored their looks though. He couldn’t care less about what they thought. He wasn’t here to make friends. He was here to get stronger. He was here to get better. What was happening to him? He stopped at the door to his dorm.

He stood there and listened to what he had just said to himself. He wasn’t here for friends. He wasn’t here to meet people. What the hell was that all about? He came in here before with the hopes that he would meet people. He wondered what was going on. Was this a healthy change for him? Was it even necessary? He feared it on some level, and loved it on another. He wanted this change. He rejected this change. He embraced this change. He pushed away this change. He was conflicted. He was torn between future and past. To hold onto that sweet innocent boy he once was. To fall into this new emotionless man he was becoming. Who would he become in the days, weeks, months to follow? What would be become?

He entered his room and fell on his bed, face down. He looked at the wall and the at his nightstand. He slid his hand under his pillow and felt the coolness of the jewelry under it. It gave him a sense of relief to touch it. It made him feel like no matter what happened he would always have a piece of himself that wouldn’t ever change. No matter how cold or isolated he became. He would always be Nikitio Uril. It was with that thought that his entire world changed.

The room spun at high speeds, and it seemed like he was being pulled backwards. The room was fading fast, and he moved past an area of gray. He didn’t blink though. He knew what was happening. If not anything else, Nikitio was a boy who adjusted to things rather quickly. He may complain about them a lot, but he adjusts to it nonetheless. When everything stopped moving he was in the field of flowers. He stood up and turned around. Sure enough the man who was temporarily named Jake stood there. He held a coy smile on his smooth face. His eyes as usual inspired fear. Nikitio was too lost in thought to care though. It acted as a barrier of sorts. He made a small mental note of that.

Jake walked calmly to Nikitio. For the first time he noticed that none of the flowers were ever hit. They just phased through everything. They were fake. This place was real, or as real as real can get for the home of a Zanpakuto, but nonetheless, the flowers couldn’t be touched. To make sure his thought was real, Nikitio bent down and tried to touch them. His hand was chilled as it moved through the flowers. They became transparent as the solid object moved through them. He stood up and looked at Jake. Before Nikitio could even ask, Jake answered. ”They are as real as you want them to be. It protects this place. When you are fighting here, you’re not thinking about the flowers. So they will never be harmed. When we’re talking, the flowers are not on your mind, they will not be harmed. It is why this place is never damaged like some places can be. Here, it is all about your thoughts.”

Nikitio nodded and kept that in the back of his mind. He was getting used to being here in his sleep. He didn’t mind it in the least bit actually. It was rather comfortable. He smiled and Jake and sat down. When he sat the flowers were not cold. It was weird, but he didn’t ask for an explination. Sometimes things were just better left unknown. Jake sat down across from him, but then changed his position so he was laying on his side. His hair fell over some of his face, and neck which covered the chain. ”So you have noticed it have you? The change you are going through. I was wondering if you would. A lot of people don’t believe in introspection. I am assuming you don’t either, but no matter your thoughts on it, it still is something more people should practice. Such things can open windows for you. It can show you things about yourself you never thought possible. It can also reveal secrets.”

Nikitio nodded. He knew what introspection was. He also didn’t like to take the time to do it, but he knew Jake was right. He had a point that it could be quite handy. It was a powerful tool indeed, and one Nikitio felt he was going to use often. The Onmitsukido was something of controversy in the Soul Society. Some people feared and admired them. Others frowned upon them for working in the dark and shadows. Nikitio truly couldn’t care less would people would think when he ruled them. He just wanted to do it. Anyone who thought otherwise was free to jump off a cliff and into a pit of Vasto Lordes for all he cared.

Jake seemed to register his thought because he let out a small laugh. ”Mon ami, trust me. If you develop in the way I predict, you won’t be challenged. People who can’t get under other’s skin give up after a while. Those people that live to annoy others or to get in their two cents in every conversation that doesn’t involve them, will be bored of you soon enough. Enough of that though. That is not why I have brought you here. I brought you here to speak of what you are and what will happen from here. I do not mean to imply I can see the future. No no, and even if I could, such things are futile. Just by seeing the future you change it a little bit.” He waved a hand dismissively as if mentioning such things were an insult of some sort.

”You have noticed yourself changing into something. Changing mentally, and emotionally and it is okay that it scares you. Most people deal with the change AFTER it’s complete. Few people stop to see that it is happening in the now. Few people care that it is happening in the now. They just go about their business without a care in the world. They annoy me to no end. Such people are so ignorant of all that is around them. They are ignorant of themselves! If anything you should be aware of yourself.” He frowned as if disappointed in them, or more annoyed by them than he was letting on. Jake shook his head and sighed.

”Nikitio. You must always be aware of who you are. Be aware of your mind and your feelings. Do not show emotion, but don’t close yourself to them either. Allow them to flow, but inside of you. Be a stone on the outside. Show no pain. Show no fear. Such things will be the fuel for your enemies attack. Bleed from every pore in your body with a smile. Watch your loved ones die with Winter’s frost in your eyes. You want to be stronger? This is strength. Being able to accept what is and what was. Being able to move on from the most tragic of deaths is strength. Being able to make the hard choices without regret is strength. Being able to hold your head up high and strike down your closest friend is strength. Let their be no shadows, Nikitio. Strength is something you attain through mastering yourself. Not by lifting weights, or slaying Hollow.

“You obtain strength through understanding yourself and your limits. Banish pride from your body and mind. Do not allow yourself to fall so far as to get killed because of pride. It is impossible to truly be rid of pride. Even the Sotaicho holds pride within her. It is the levels of it that matter. Reduce those level, Nikitio. Force them so low that it doesn’t even matter. Make it so that you may think without the aid of Pride. The reason why, despite their strength, Espada can be beaten is because of a Hollow’s pride. You kill a few Shinigami and you suddenly think so high and mighty of yourself. They may not show it but a lot of them are terribly prideful, and that can and will be their downfall.

“Never forget that what separates us from beasts is pride. Never forget that it is our ability to judge and make decisions that causes us to be who we are. We are special, and you are unique in your own way. Remember that in the days to come. By the way, this is a word of advice. During your time as a student and in your Kido lessons, you might want to be investing in Bakudo. I’m sure you’ll find them far more useful than Hado. Especially since Hado have a reputation of being loud and obnoxious.”

Nikitio had listened this entire time. He heard what he was saying. He understood what he was saying. He didn’t just hear him, but he listened. He paid attention. He focused on the words. He took the information and stored it in his mind. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t believe that this was the person who had insulted him a while ago. It was something that seemed so odd to him. It was so different to him. For the past few meetings he got nothing but insults. There was something about this man that struck a cord within Nikitio. It was like he was looking into himself. As he changed, he saw this man changing. Could this be part of the connection that he had heard about?

When Jake finished speaking, Nikitio nodded. ”I understand. I will look into Bakudo spells. I’m sure Derrick will be happy to teach more to me.” The Spirit smiled at Nikitio and within seconds, he was awake in his room. Nikitio looked outside. The sun was in the sky and some birds let out a soft song. Nikitio slipped out of bed and got his second uniform. He slipped out of the one he wore yesterday, and made a mental note to fix it when he came back or had some free time. He got washed up, dressed, and was on his way to meet Derrick.


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Derrick allowed Nikitio to rest up for the night. This was something he needed to do. The Bakudo he would learn would only get harder from here. Nikitio was incredibly proud of himself. He had gotten many compliments from Derrick on his Bakudo skills. Nikitio was learning them left and right. Soon he would know them all, and that was his goal. To learn every Bakudo he could. He had heard rumors that there were many many kido that remained uncategorized because of their nature. They held both destructive and binding properties. Some of them were a bit more destructive than binding. The same could be said, but in reverse as well. Nonetheless, they would be mastered by Nikitio. Who knows, maybe they could come in handy for him and his future “job”.

Nikitio arrived in his dorm and sat down on his bed hard. He looked up at the ceiling. Holding his hands up he smiled as he uttered a few soft words. ”Bakudo number thirty-nine. Enkosen.” As he finished saying the words, the shield was produced. It stood there just inches away from his hands. It looked like it was spinning, and maybe it was. Or maybe it was just the look of condensed energy. Whatever it was, it pleased Nikitio. His hardest Kido yet was learned. He was sure there were harder. Kido went up to ninty-nine. There was no telling how hard they would get, but he had a pretty basic idea.

Smiling at the shield, Nikitio dismissed it. He sent a silent thank you to Derrick, and then to whatever powers that be. He turned onto his side and thought about his Zanpakuto. It was so weird that he only get a glove. Wasn’t he supposed to get a sword or something like that? He frowned at his luck and rolled onto his stomach. He used his arms as a pillow and closed his eyes. He focused on his Zanpakuto Spirit. The man in black came to mind. His cold yellow eyes. Those eyes that were so terrible. Such fear was installed into you by such eyes. The chains around his body and their rattling sound they made. Finally he thought about his Xs. There were two X’s on his hand and a final one on his right cheek. He wondered what those were for.

As soon as he thought about that he felt a tug. Nothing happened though. Maybe he had to think harder. Mediate a bit, as he tried to do before. He over heard that meditating could be done anywhere in any way. You just had to focus on something. Nikitio focused on the world. He focused on those blue flowers. He saw the blue flashing lights. He saw the vast and empty field. It was void of anything that wasn’t a midnight blue rose. He imagined himself looking up and seeing the moon above with the stars littered around the sky. He looked down to see himself standing in the middle of the flowers. They had phased through his feet. He thought about this world. He felt happy thinking about it. It put him at ease. It was so odd. He had a world where he was at peace. But it’s inhabitant made him nervous on some level. That was a lot of places though. The most peaceful people could be in the most nerve-wracking places. The same could be said in reverse.

Nikitio felt another tug on his mind. He fought against it at first. He didn’t want to have a headache. Not yet anyway. Nothing stressful had happened. So far he was just trying to get into his Zanpakuto’s world. He just wanted to relax for a little while. He wanted to be alone with his Zanpakuto. Was the world really so determined to keep him from that? Was it truly such a bad thing? He assumed it was on some level. Or at least in the eyes of life it was a bad thing. Life could suck it though. Life is what got him killed. Life is what took his brother away. Life is what made that Hollow show up. Everything bad was all Life’s fault.

It wasn’t fair of him to blame such a thing though. He didn’t know that. There were externals factors involved. There always are. He sighed and allowed the tug to run it’s course. When it did he was in the field of flowers. He had to learn to stop fighting it. It wasn’t going to make things better. He would still end up here. Besides, this was where he wanted to be. He wanted to be here with the Spirit. He also wanted his Zanpakuto. A REAL Zanpakuto, not a glove. He looked at the spirit that stood before him with a smile. The man walked to Nikitio. No amount of words could describe this though. It wasn’t like a real walk. It seemed like he was dancing almost. At least it was as graceful as such. He didn’t dance though. He was indeed walking. One foot in front of the other. It was a graceful thing to watch.

He stopped when he was in front of Nikitio. ”I am Death. I am the messenger. I am the heir and the king. I am the Alpha and the Omega. I am the Sun and the Moon. Claim my power and I’ll set thee free.” His voice was soft and serious. His eyes still made Nikitio scared, but the fear tactic was wearing thin. He just looked at the spirit with a puzzled look. ”You wish for fear in others. You wish to lead and inspire. You wish for strength on the battle field. You want power. Claim me. Claim power. Wield Death. Walk into the battle field tall and proud. Claim me. Walk with a true god. Walk with me.” Nikitio nodded and took in a deep breath.

He looked down at his hand and there was the glove he had first received. He felt his body tell him what to do. He held up his glove and let out a soft sigh. ”I, Nikitio Uril, claim your power.” The spirit smiled as his body was blown away by unfelt wind. When he was totally gone Nikitio awoke in his bed. Derrick was in his doorway and whistled. ”Lovey Zanpakuto. Come on champ. We got a whiles to go before I am remotely done with you.” Derrick turned and left Nikitio to get dressed.

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